Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
