i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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