i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk is a universal language darling
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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