Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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