ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's get the cat blown out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
