she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
