He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
