I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
