I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You don't make any sense
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