woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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