I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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