i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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