You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
