Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
