so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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