mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
