I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
