is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
