dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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