did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
