We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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