my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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