He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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