A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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