he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
