he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
