Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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