very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
