i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
