I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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