rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
