The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
