so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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