I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
