it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
