well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
