she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
a search helicopter?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
