I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
