omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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