I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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