hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
