We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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