Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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