hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
