They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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