someone threw a dead crab at me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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