Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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