I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
