This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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