I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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